Looking Ahead

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13,14)                                                                      As a widow, how do you respond to this verse?  Are we really supposed to FORGET about our past? Simply drop the life and love we had with our husband? Personally, I've often said, "I'll never forget. Never, never, never--I refuse!" Let me retract that-- the word "said" is an understatement--replace it with I hissed, I screamed, or I wimpered! I thought to forget would be like snuffing out a candle, diluting a perfect flavor, or ruining a beautiful blue colored shirt by washing it in hot water.

But every year, as Dec. 31 rolls around and pushes me another 365 days further from the event of my first husband's death, I see more mercy in the calendar. I can't resist the rythmn of the sun and moon, the tides and the seasons forever. New memories, new people, and new love arrives as surely as the patterns in our sky. Tides reconfigure the sand on a beach, and time reconfigures the recollections of my first husband. I will always love him. My life changed forever. But I'm no longer broken.  My mind no longer gropes for that void. My own pain has washed away and been replaced with compassion and poignant empathy for others that I never naturally posessed before.

God patiently continues to loosen my grip on what might have been. He turns my eye to a more desireable goal than numbering my regrets. He's given me a picture of eternity and my place in it--my calling "heavenward in Christ Jesus." Where will this put me 365 days from now? I wonder.

How about you?  

Rest in God this weekend, dear one, and keep your eye on the prize.

♥ ferree