It's Coming: Father's Day for the Fatherless

Honestly? I wish there was no Father's Day. Or Mother's Day. They've turned into commercially exploited obligations in my jaded opinion.

But, here in America, these holidays come like a train at a railroad crossing. We'd better be alert! Don't let Father's Day hit you like a train. We need to prepare. Here are some general ideas for coping. Don't try to do them all---just pick one to adapt to your own situation. Tomorrow you'll hear from some experienced widows about how they handle it.

• Try to relax. You're going to be glad when it's over, but it might not be as bad as you think. Often, the anticipation is worse than the actual event. You're not alone. This is a tough day for a lot of people. 
• Prepare. I hate to say this--(if you knew me you'd know I'm a big supporter of going to church even when it hurts)--but this might be a good day to skip church or Sunday School. Especially if you have little kids who will be making "I Love You Daddy" pictures in Sunday School. Remember? They do that every year, don't they? Think ahead and plan ahead.
• Do SOMETHING. If family traditions will be comfortable for you, go ahead and plan on them. But if you need something different, maybe Sunday, June 16 would be a good day for it. If you've been planning to go to a theme park sometime this summer, maybe this would be a good time to go. Look for something to do that eats up a lot of hours. The goal for this day is to get it over with!
• It's OK to acknowledge the day--don't be silent and feel guilty like its the elephant in the living room that no one will talk about. But you don't have to go overboard. Start the day with a quick prayer to thank God that your children had a good father--two sentences at the most. That's plenty! You don't have to talk about it or think about it all day long.
• Fill up on gratitude for your experiences of love, marriage, and parenting -- those good things are not the norm for many people now days. Appreciate your life story and the good experiences and blessings you've had. More will come, I promise!
• Give your kids "A Hug From Above." Hug them and say something like, "Today is Father's Day and here's a hug from above: your dad loved you so much!" Tell yourself that, too: "He still loves me and I'm grateful for the time I had with him."
• Give in to the little cloudbursts. If you feel a cry coming on, let yourself cry. Crying is a physical release of stress. It might not last more than five minutes. Deep breathing helps, too. Then --(I'm saying this kindly)-- put your big girl pants on and help your kids by focusing on them and how glad you are they are still around.
• Accept grace. God showers it in unexpected moments. Watch for it
• Be flexible. Roll with the waves of grief. Don't build up your negative expectations too much--it's not going to be the worst day of your life. (You've already had that one!)
• If you've been invited somewhere, carefully decide if you're comfortable with the arrangements. Graciously decline, or offer an alternative if it'll be too much for you. Realize though, that the invitation is offered with love, and you might have a much better time with a group of people than with being alone.  

How do you feel about Father's Day? Do you have some ideas that have worked for you? I love to hear what you've discovered, and I'm sure your comments with be a tremendous help and encouragement to others. Please be sure to leave a comment and check back tomorrow to hear from other widows.
♥ ferree