I thought, "Oh well, I'm tired. I'll just go to bed and maybe something will come in the morning." But guess what? It's morning. And I've got nothing!
I think I've hit the wall. Actually, I think I hit it over and over again these last couple of days! Christmas presents are taking forever this year---Deciding what to buy, shopping, wrapping, shipping, etc.... Tom helped me put the tree together and helped a little bit with the lights, but I'm the one who hauled it and all the boxes of ornaments out of the attic, decorated it, put up our other decorations and a few outdoor ones... I'm hoping to send a Christmas cards this year (only about 1/4 of what I used to), and I'd like to do some baking... Plus I spent many hours last week doing some extra things: hours on the phone about a widows retreat next fall---start getting ready to save the date! I poured through a book written by a widow, and I drove for several hours to go to and from a funeral for an aunt of my first husband. These were all wonderful, and I'd do them all over again. I don't ever feel like I work hard enough or accomplish anything much, but maybe I did. In any case, apparently something just had to give! My brain!
I can't think of a thing to write for you today! Except that I know you need to know you matter. You do. And that you can survive. You can. And that someday, eventually, you'll be able to breathe again without it feeling like a knife is sticking in your chest. You will.
But there are days when we all hit the wall. The death of a loved one is far more traumatic than we like to admit. It's more exhausting than me getting lost under my Christmas and blogging workload. So when you have a day like I'm having today---everything is blank and all you can say is "I've got nuthin'. Just know that's OK. Your body and brain have shut down to restore themselves since you (and I) don't know when to take a break.
You do matter. You can survive. You will breathe again.
So let's get through this day.
And let's meet back here again tomorrow. ♥ ferree
I believe you need to have some prayer sent up for yourself today, Ferree, so I want you to know I'm praying for you. Thank you for all you do for us as our Fearless Leader, but this is time of the year when we do work on overload. Please take care of yourself as best you can, and let some things wait until after Christmas. Its only 9 days away now and days are hard to stretch - we end up being stretched instead. Peace, love, and Merry Christmas! ~Doris
ReplyDeleteJesus told his disciples "come ye apart and rest awhile" I once read on a church sign "come ye apart or come apart"
ReplyDeleteFerree this A.M. on my daily little devotional calendar which sits on my microwave read this.
Dear Father,
I know it's important for me to rest, for my sake and for the sake of those who depend on me. Give me wisdom to know which tasks can wait and which can be eliminated so I can get the rest I need.
In Christ Love- Amen.
please rest and take care of yourself. You will be in our prayers ~
Thank you dear one for sharing this. It is good for all of us to know that "hitting the wall" is something that happens to everyone - especially at this time of the year.
ReplyDeleteYes, we will survive and we will get through this - one step and one breath at a time.
Ferree,
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, I have to say that you actually had even more to offer your readers today. In hitting a wall, you were actually a blessing to your readers.
I think sometimes when you/we think that we have "nothing" to give, in reality we are actually giving more.
I think what you have written is really helpful. We all hit a wall at times and sometimes we don't know how to take a break before we've hit so many walls that we exhaust ourselves.
I hope all those that read this today will find this a helpful blessing. It's really hard this time of year and sometimes the pressure around the holidays on top of grieving is so emotionally and physically exhausting.
Thank you for sharing your experience and insights with us. I think we can all breathe easier after reading this and knowing we are not alone in these feelings.
♥♥♥♥
Cathy
Oh..I wanted to mention this. After Christmas is over, and you need help repainting your walls. I'm here. :) :)
You are all so kind, thank you for your prayers, wisdom and offer to help repaint my walls. I'm digging out today, but your understanding and the good Lord are the biggest help. Hugs all around!
ReplyDeleteAdmitting you hit a wall, lets the rest of us know we aren't the only ones to do so. It's times like these that we need to stop and rest in God's tender loving care.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs and God's peace and strength to you dear Ferree.
FlowerLady
I agree also that when you felt you had hit a wall and shared that with us, your honesty helped us. Let something go wherever you can. (I am not sending out any cards or Christmas letters until after Christmas.) And please take care of yourself, Ferree.
ReplyDeleteFerree, thank you for this ministry....especially on days like this when you read our minds. It is so hard to get thru this season and remember what 'normal' felt like. This post helped....more than you know!
ReplyDeleteIt never gets easier. I have been a widow 20 years this May 2014. My husband died of brain cancer when our children were 4 and 5 years old. God never brought anything in to touch the pain - just brokenness. Just hard work raising kids alone and working full time. I have that down ... I am not expectant. The promises of God for others.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, I'm sorry this has been your experience. It's awfully hard to be in a state of thinking God's promises are for others, it's a painful, lonely and abandoned feeling. And 20 years is a long time to be feeling that way. I'm sure there's nothing I can say that wouldn't make you think I'm an idiot, but I'll pray for you and I'm a good listener if you ever want to comment or email me.
ReplyDelete