Christian Widow: Is The 2nd Year Really Harder?

Autumn begins tomorrow, and with it comes the first anniversary of widowhood for many readers. It's a common rumor that "the second year is worse," and some have already alluded to dreading their second year because of this rumor. Of course if you do a google search about the second year, there's plenty of evidence to support the 2nd year slump. I wouldn't recommend anyone actually do that---Why? Because I already did, and I can tell you it's very depressing and discouraging to read it all!

 

I'm not going to tell you the second year is easier than the first; each individual's grief is unique--you can't score it on a scale of easy to hard. But I can tell you it's like apples to oranges-- the years are very different.

And I can tell you that with Christ, you do not have to dread the second year. Respect the challenges it presents, but remember you do not have to grieve as those who have no hope. You have the freedom to make the choice to draw on God's strength, to claim his promises, his providence, and his peace. You are still standing, breathing, walking, talking--and as long as there's breath in you, God will bring beauty from these ashes.

 

The first year we intently focus on getting through the year. It's the first of everything: the first birthday without him, the first anniversary, the first time making these huge decisions without him, the first time getting an oil change, plunging the toilet, mowing the lawn or caulking the bathtub. And the emotions! They are a wild ride! You find yourself crying in the grocery store, crying over the news or a commercial on tv, or crying because we've been surprised by the relief from a ray of kindness or a good laugh. Not the dainty, tissue-dabbing sniffles, but heaving, soul scorching cries that exhaust and extinguish the brain; they catch, clutch and scare us.

 

We work really hard at getting through the first year, as if that twelve month mark is a big finish line.

 

Thus the reason for the rumor. We get to that one year anniversary; we look up from the path we've pounded on so hard, we expect see a finish line. But instead the road stretches out empty and long before us ---that's hard! We thought we were at the finish line; we've exhausted and depleted our reserves, and now there's another twelve months to go!

 

  

Let me give you the heads up: pace yourself. You won't be in this race against grief forever. You need not pressure yourself to get over it, nor do you need to guilt yourself into grieving more. Knowing Christ gives you that freedom!

There are some othe reasons why the second year gets tagged with the harder label:

• emotional support from friends around you might drop--they still love you but they don't know what to do now.
• And you are changing. You've probably accomplished much of your actual grief work but now other realities clamor to be dealt with--loneliness, income, chores, health, and the variety of challenges that come with various seasons of life.

For now though, let's talk about heading into the second year. What do you expect? As you look at your calendar, what sort of plans are you making? Will you try anything new? Are there particular issues and challenges that will stretch your faith and make your seek the Lord?

 

If you've turned the corner on your second year, was it as you expected? Are there issues you'd tell others to watch out for?

 

We're all in this together, so draw strength and wisdom from one another and the lessons learned. And as I've already said--you won't be here forever (unless you choose too). Next year at this time some of you will be starting new careers, schooling, or relocating. Some of you will be married! Some will be new grandmothers. Others will find a new and vibrant level of relationship with God. For He does have plans for you--for each one of you! Plans for your good, to give you hope. And joy. Don't forget that, and you can look forward to these next twelve months with anticipation and wonder!

 

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

 

You can do this.

♥ ferree