Sigh, now I had to make a choice. Why couldn’t God have
simply fixed this? Why didn’t he just tell me exactly what to do?
But no… now I had to make a
choice-- a key choice.
1.
I could do nothing. Sometimes widows need to do
nothing, they need to rest, but this wasn’t one of those times. This was more like James 4:17--
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.2. On the other hand, I could take the next step. What's the next step for you? For me, it was reading the book of Ruth. I really wasn’t interested. Sure, Ruth was a widow, but it’s a love story, right? Why torture myself with a love story? NOT what I was interested in! I had my life planned.
But I gave it a shot. It only takes 15-20 minutes to read.
When I looked at Ruth with the eyes of a widow, when I took that next step--- I was
hooked!
The first thing that caught my attention?
God doesn’t speak. When Ruth and Naomi "knocked on God's door" like I'd been doing, nobody "answered" them either!
This amazed me.
People were always
telling me I’d feel God’s comfort like a big snuggly blanket, like He’d hold me
and whisper love in my ear, but I hadn’t heard a thing from God---and neither did
Ruth and Naomi. There are no miracles, no commands, no angelic visitations in this book of the Bible. The
people are just ordinary. NAOMI AND RUTH EXPERIENCED THIS TOO!
For a while I couldn't read anything. Then I turned to the book of Ruth simply because I NEEDED to be with another widow. I NEEDED to see how she made it through and THAT she made it through.
ReplyDeleteOur Sunday School lesson recently was the necessity of being connected. Todays modern media even aggressively smothers you with it - get connected - stay connected - in all honesty after my husband died - it seems that I felt disconnected from everybody and everything and it is still ongoing - will this in time pass - did anyone ever feel like they just don't want to reconnect? Is this part of the package?
ReplyDeleteWhat's going on? signed - 3yrs and wondering -
Dear Anonymous: My church challenged the congregation to get off all types of media during a 40 day media fast one Lent season, all the way through Easter. I decided to do it. No tv or radio (even Christian programming). No Facebook, emails but online bills, no phone calls or text unless I was contacted. I spent the time reading the Word and praying. I started to serve in ministry which I couldn’t do for many years my husband was sick. I needed to be connected to Christ. God connected me to people. I don’t watch as much TV like I use to. I read FB when I can, not feeling like I’m neglecting people. And if people don’t understand, well, I’m ok with being deleted. Serving others has been my lifesaver. People are uplifted when they hear my story of survival of cancer, death of a spouse and mother, quitting my job and getting a lesser paying job all so I could serve. People want to hear that there is hope in the lives of people who have has serious tragedy in their lives. I am here to tell them that the Lord can do a transformation of a broken life. Like the song says, No turning back, no turning back. I pray that you feel the connection to the Lord and that He can move you along where you need to go, where you are needed, and to those who need to hear your story of strength, hope, and victory.
DeleteDear Anonymous, that disconnected empty feeling is pretty normal from what I understand. You mentioned a Sunday School lesson so that's super if you're going to Sunday School. It's hard sometimes to make the effort, but that's really what it takes--effort. I don't know if you have kids or not, but if your kids have "left the nest," that can be a major factor in the disconnected feeling too. Even women who are not widowed tell me finding friends without the networking of schools and children is really difficult. They feel disconnected too. So maybe take a look at all your circumstances because there might be other factors besides widowhood playing into this disconnected feeling.
ReplyDeleteOne thing to beware of is the difference between solitude and isolation. Grieving people need some solitude in order to process this traumatic experience. But if we begin to isolate ourselves and cut off relationships, that's a red flag that we're needing some outside help. Talk to your pastor or doctor about some good counsellors or support groups around.
The other thing is that your personality plays into it too. Sort of examine your outward behaviors and see if they've changed much. Like, were you always the entertainer and now live behind closed curtains and only go out for groceries? That's an extreme change that one would need some professional advice about. Or do you still have your one best girlfriend? Maybe one friend is all you personally need, so don't let the media make you feel odd about that.
You and the Lord know what's good and normal for you. Let me encourage you though to explore this question. If you've not ever gone to a GriefShare group it's not too late to start. You can google their website, type your zipcode in the search box and see if there's a group in your area. Also, if you have a Facebook account, contact me about my Lifeboat groups. Hearing what others are going through and being able to lay out your questions is a wonderful way to measure how you're doing and take hope in the fact that this grief journey has all kinds of twists and turns. Please stay in touch with me and let me know what you discover OK? I hope others will chime in with their insights too. Thank you for opening up this good question.
anynomous.. It took me almost 7 years to want to connect to another widow. I had one friend reach out, but we did not connect. I had one friend who lives 10 hrs away. She was with me when my husband died and I with her when hers died.
ReplyDeleteI could not relate to many. I was/am young. Instead of finding connections I threw myself deep into my kids. I had to have something where I felt needed and had purpose.
I still don't ave many close friends. But those who have stood by me for years are held dear.