The following "long sappy post" is from a widow friend of mine, but it's anything but long and sappy. She's writing from the front line of this battleground called grief. ~ferree
Warning....long sappy post.
Carl has been gone 6 years, 9 months and 3 days. The past few weeks have been challenging. I miss him. Incredibly so.
The fact I have learned to fix a toilet, put air in my tires, killed a (very small) snake, lost my house, buried a dog, bought a house, bought a car, mowed the lawn, organized the garage, taken several solo trips and have even fallen in love doesn't erase the part of my heart Carl will always have.
This season of my life causes me to feel trapped between what my life was and what it will be. It's uncomfortable. I am not at a place where I can move forward for many reasons. So I'm waiting on Gods timing. And that friends, is not cool. See? My human part wants to move forward. Be done.....
Grief stinks. It lingers. It's like a sniper attacking at the least expected moment and causing painful collateral damage.
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| Carol |
This morning I read this scripture:
so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power. (1 Corinthians 2:5)
I do not have to understand nor explain my circumstances. I just have to hold onto my faith in Him-- that His power (wisdom, strength and plans for me) will pull me through.
I am comforted by that. See, at times, that very faith is all I have. And in retrospect I see it has protected me from the collateral damage of sniper-styled grief.
When my heart gets overwhelmed, it knows to cry out the words, "Oh God," to my Savior who does just that---He saves me.
Copyright 2015 by Carol Mason-Davis
Thank you for this post. So good to know that my grief journey at almost 6 years is normal for I have been struggling as well.
ReplyDeleteOh boy...Six years plus! I have been without my love for 1 year, 3 months and 22 days. Some days it seems like it can't be and somedays it feels like it has already been forever.
ReplyDeleteI used to think (when I was clueless) that after a year or so it seemed like 'they' would 'get over it'. Today I understand in a very real way, exactly what this post says...My husband took a large part of my heart...I will never be the same again. I struggle with this life of loneliness, I don't like it, and some days it seems like I am fighting to come up for air. My faith in God gives me hope that I can continue to be molded and shaped by God to become more like Him. 'When my heart's overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I...' And that is where I have to go daily,,,because I cannot do this on my own.
I appreciate the encouragement from those of you who have walked this way far longer than me. God bless you and keep you and bring you closer to Him with each step of the way. ~Kris
"...closer to Him with each step of the way..." amen. God bless you too, Kris. Life isn't what we expected or wanted, but it can still be good. A pastor friend told me that I might not like the wrapping paper, but my life was still a gift from the Father. I didn't really like him saying that at the time either, but it's something I've not forgotten. God is good and His mercies are new every morning; I stand in awe of Him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the thoughtful comments today. <3