Tips from the Front Line of Widowhood

A dear friend, Kim, going through her third Christmas as a widow, wrote to me about yesterday's post, "3 Tips for Christmas Plans." I know that many will benefit from her experiences and responses and she kindly permitted me to post her comments today. Loneliness and grief are such a battle at times and Kim was on the front line of it this weekend . . .

Ferree, I think these points are so very important, even for those of us who have been widowed for years. Holidays bring up so many memories. This will be my 3rd Christmas without my beloved, and while I’m doing a lot better then I was in the past two years, I knew better then to over-do. 

1. Give yourself something to look forward to: This is the first year I’ve had a tree. I bought this little tabletop tree (a whopping 18” tall), and the tiny little ornaments that go with it. The tree is loaded with lights (I get this from my dad), and I actually enjoy turning it on in the evening. “Our” tree now brings joy to a family in church who needed a tree. The rest of “our” decorations are safely tucked away in a plastic tub and stored for down the road — or never again. Those Christmas cards? I took them out, and put them back in the drawer. Perhaps next year. Perhaps not.

2. Escape plan: needed this last night. :-/ Christmas potluck at church and I felt so alone, surrounded by all these happy couples and families. To close the evening we had a small Christmas program with the little ones, and I began to fall apart. I should have grabbed my purse and left, but I actually felt ashamed at myself. How stupid is that? I know better. I know it’s all okay. So I suffered through it all, came home and had a good cry, and then laid it all at the foot of the cross. Today I am fine; and I am firm in my resolve that if I need to escape — I will do so! 

3. Best friend: Thanks for this, I can now plan you for that new little appliance I’m going to buy. (LOL har har). I know it will make mealtime easier and healthier for me — and anything that makes mealtime for one person easier and healthier is a good thing. I’ve also been cashing in on the offers for help, and a group of men from church have helped me clean all of my late husbands things out of the garage. They’ve dealt with everything, and even taught me how to use the tools that are basic. I can now drill holes with the best of them, and I have my own socket wrench and can put shelves and things together. Yeah me! HAHA

Merry Christmas, Ferree, and all the other widows out there who are reading this. Remember to put CHRIST in your Christmas, and to focus on the One who was born so that He could die and rise again for your sins. Oh what joy heaven will be!

Kim