In John 16:22
Jesus said,
“Therefore
you too have grief now;
but I will see you again,
and your heart will rejoice,
and no one will take your
joy
away from you.”
Happy Easter
May your heart be filled
with the joy
that comes from the
promises of Jesus.
♥ ferree
My heart feels as cold and grey as the weather outside my window this morning. Easter, or Resurrection Sunday is just a few days away in this year 2018. My 2nd Easter without my beloved husband by my side.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite holiday, I have always loved this celebration of new life from the grave of winter, fitting that new life in spring coincides with our Lord's Resurrection. As I reflect in the knowledge that because Jesus Christ rose from the dead, those who trust in Him will also experience eternal life.. But what that means right now is difficult to grasp and squeeze any immediate comfort from. My husband is dead. The other half of my being is gone almost 2 years now. I have no children nor grandchildren to help distract from that lonely fact. Instead - my mind races to happier times, when my Mom used to plan her bountiful Easter dinners with such great care, and kept tweaking her menu till it was "just right". Now she & Dad are both gone. I plan to go to my brother & his wife's home for Easter dinner, about an hour's drive from my house. I will have to leave my 4 dogs home alone for that time, they don't understand why - only that Mommy will be absent for a while.
Then I ponder, how do "they" celebrate Resurrection Sunday in Heaven? I can only imagine (borrowing from that wonderful movie currently out). Remembering past Easters with my beloved, how I'd make him up an Easter basket, and present it to him before church that Sunday morning. He'd make a sweet card for me on his computer, & have a little something waiting for me on the end table in our rec room. Now that end table & empty spot on the olive green sectional in that now abandoned room, scream out that he's not here anymore. In the weeks & first few months after his passing, I was out of my mind with grief, and that horrible grief caused to me be angry with the Lord Who could have prevented my husband's death. I felt betrayed & abandoned, as if my intense loss meant nothing to Heaven. Friends at church tried to clumsily comfort me with the supposition that "he's having a blast up there", usually said with their spouse by their side. Cold comfort, when I was missing him with every fiber in my broken being, down here. But - Jesus was faithful. Even in the worst depths of my anguish, thrashing about like a drowning person, He kept His strong steady arms about me, as I railed in my deep grief, waiting till exhaustion & a little bit of reason took me over. He literally visited me in dreams & somehow got thru to me, that He was my only hope.. Eventually, I came running to Him again, and asked Him to take me back, and gave Him what was left of my life on earth. For now, I am trying for that famous "Closer walk with Thee", Jesus & me, however that unfolds. The sorrow of losing my husband still remains, a cement block of loss & pain sunk in my heart, but I cannot concentrate on it for too long, as I know the waves of anguish will overtake me. And, that's not what my husband would have wanted for me. So I stumble on, as He leads me on this unwanted, but necessary path I am now on. He will never leave nor forsake me. I need only remember that Calvary's cross, with it's pain, suffering and unknowable anguish, points to an empty tomb, and eternal triumph over the enemy of death. My hope for this Easter is that when the time is fulfilled, I will see my Jesus, and my husband again, on that Glorious Day.
Dear Lovey, everything you wrote is full of beauty and love, thank you so much for your courage and generosity in sharing it here. My heart whispered, "yes! yes! yes!"
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